My Siblings Inheritance Depends on Whom They Marry. Is That Wrong?

The magazines Ethicist columnist on conditions parents attach to their wills.

Around a decade ago, my mom informed each of her children that she and my stepfather put a codicil in their wills disinheriting any of their children married to someone not recognized as Jewish by her local Orthodox Rabbinate.

I believe a will is not just about money; its also an expression of values and love. I have strongly objected to this codicil, or more specifically, to her having informed us about it: The two are thereby using their wealth as an implicit weapon in service of their religious views.

She says Im reading too much into it. She claims she informed us in the name of transparency, so we wouldnt be surprised later, and that its her money to do with as she pleases, anyway though she concedes that she also informed us in case it may influence decisions we make.

Ive since married someone who fits her definition of a Jew, so the codicil doesnt apply to me. Still, I have three middle-aged siblings who are all not religious and unmarried, and I think they remain so at least partially because theyre stuck, unable to both follow their hearts and avoid betraying my mothers love and its most powerful signifier, her will. Is she right to have the codicil? And to have told us about it? Name Withheld